Monday, August 25, 2008
I'm done...
I'm done, I try to be a good person, I think for the most part I am. I don't like my life and I don't know what I can do to change it. I feel like I am on this hamster wheel, that keeps going around, around but, I don't get anywhere. School, I am so sick of the B.S. that I get from them, the different stories I get every time I go in to see where I am at on waiting list. Do they not understand that they are F'in with my life? Gary is moving to Southern California the day after Christmas, he has been excepted to Southern California University Chiropractic college. I am very happy for him but, I hate that he is moving so far away. Kate, Jeff and Lilly have moved even farther north in Alberta, they live 8 hours north west of Edmonton. I can not find an airline ticket for under $700.00 and that is only to Edmonton which means, I would need to rent a car and drive 8 hours, okay so what am I looking at a min of $1000.00, without doing anything fun, that is not in my budget. I miss my family. I am sick, they don't know what is wrong with me, my CRP is 41.41 normal is <9, my sed rate is 38 normal is <20, my platelets are 586 I don't even remember what normal is but, I know that is high. My elbows and hips feel like a match is in the joint, I am tired all the time, my lymph nodes in my right armpit are swollen and hurt. I am so ready for something fun and happy to come into my life. I am done I really am, I am done and I don't know what to do to change it...
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6 comments:
keep your chin up...god never gives us more than we can handle... think about what is best for you and do it...don't think about it, just do it...love you tons and am always here for you!
You will get through this, it is hard right now, but in a little time, you will realize why God has put you down this path. It is always to get you to the next step, whatever that might be. I don't know what to tell you about the health aspect....arthritis??? Are they doing tests on that? Sometimes the sed rate goes up and down, obviously your joints are hurting...I don't know. I will have to talk to you in person about all this. I am sorry. Life is hard, and it sometimes seems like it is never going to get easier, but I promise that it will.
Just when you feel like you can't take it anymore God will send you some hope. It might be just a little speck but it will shine so bright...But you have to open your heart and find the positive.Everyone at one time or another is given a rough patch to get over and it might be a blessing in disguise because if you reall think about it: LIFE IS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER (FROM HELL)
If we didn't have DOWNS how would we know when we were UP???????
I want you to go get a piece of paper and write down all the good things you have in your life right now... I will get you started.
1) FRIENDS THAT LOVE YOU!!
2)You are Beautiful inside and out...
3)You have a brother that loves you to the moon and back....
4)You are getting an education something that no one can ever take away from you.
5)You have good looking boobs....
Sooo Jealous :)
6) now the not so wonderful things unless you look around at work.
you have a job
clothes
food
water and soap
a car to drive
you can fix a washer
you are always calm no matter what
you have so many things to be grateful for SOOOO have a good cry I will give you 2 weeks and then you have to start thinking positive and positive things will happen.... Well that's what i hear anyway!!!!! Cheer Up Sweet Cheeks we love you.
Don't give up! You are such a gorgeous and fabulous woman. You are smart, loving, and fun. If you can find the positive, you can live it. Find the light....in every sucky situation there is some light.....Find it, live it, love it. And know that you are loved.
p.s. Please don't say, "i'm done". Thats what Lisa said, and that will forever make me so very sad. I love you Lacey. Don't be done.
Thank you all so much, I guess I just don't know what the positive is right now.
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